


Breaking Bread

by CatarinaJ



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon Rewrite, F/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 18:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18579880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatarinaJ/pseuds/CatarinaJ
Summary: Summary:30 hours until Tuvok and crew arrives to collect our stranded officers. There's a lake, cautious affection, and later the coda to how Janeway and Chakotay come to start having meals together.AKA how I wanted the episode to end. (especially when they get back)





	Breaking Bread

**Author's Note:**

> I know you've read a billion of these. I am just jumping into the over-crowded pool :D  
> I wrote this years ago. It took me this long to be brave.  
> PS. I apologize in advance while I'm getting re-acquainted with formatting stories on this site.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“We have thirty hours before Voyager is in orbit. How about we go on that camping trip?”_

The enthusiasm she showed earlier was reduced to a whisper in her mind. She wanted to honor her agreement to accompany Chakotay on an after-meal stroll, however packing away their possessions and transporting gear to their selected camp site stole the last youthful exuberance.

“Lights,” she dryly commanded the sophisticated modular.  

Kathryn made her way around the scattered storage crates to her safe haven behind the frosted divider that marked its boundary. She began sliding her olive-green work attire off her shoulders in favor of her gray and admittedly unflattering full length night gown.  Chakotay teasingly referred to it as the “Access denied” nightgown. She shook her head at the thought and blamed the wine for his brazen remark.

She momentarily paused from her task, sat down at her bedside and tapped the button on her drawer in search of it. To the left was the “Access denied” and beside it to her right, was her coral satin gown with thin straps and scoop neckline.  “Permission granted?”  She entertained quietly.

She placed it on her lap and smoothed it over. She wasn’t entirely sure why she brought it. Even with the accompanying slacks, it appeared provocative. Her finger tips caressed the satin fabric. The memorable sensation made her eyes soften. _How good it feels to wear this upon her freshly shaved legs._ Janeway reflected silently with imagery and sensations so vivid.

Commanding on the bridge always, but in her quarters, she guaranteed a symbolic gesture to remind herself she was Kathy, fiancée to Mark, not a Captain on duty where she sometimes, as Mark would put it, “Took procedurals a little too seriously.”  Being commissioned as the trusted leader of the intrepid class Star Ship _Voyager_ made her come alive.

Her first officer elicited the same sensation without the help of a special gown or a star ship. She thought best that this gown and its revealing neckline should never meet his gaze. “Protocol.” She reminded herself as she closed the drawer.

After a slow exhale she began to relive her days walking the command deck; seeking options and issuing instructions. Tapping the top drawer revealed her black and red uniform. Adorning the collar were the four rank pips.  It was still neatly folded and pressed. Earlier while in preparation for their return to Voyager, she had returned her communicator to its rightful place above the left breast of her uniform.

She gazed into the mirror at her bureau. She became self- aware that she wore full make-up day in and day out just as if she were still on Voyager. First on her list was maintaining her professional distance and never giving up they’d rejoin Voyager or their own road home. In her mind, it assured her focus to find the cure.

Her cheekbones were lightly dusted in blush, her lips a commanding red and her lashes were striking against her blue eyes.  She stared for moment while anxiety began to stir. Her ship, her rank, and everything she set out for at Utopia Planecia was far from the forethought of her mind. With her restoration to Captain only twelve hours away, she felt ambivalent about leaving.

To pacify her butterflies, Janeway took a cloth and began pulling away the black off her lashes and the red stain on her lips.  A bath wasn’t a command area. There was no need for make-up and there would be no first officer accompanying her to her river haven.

Realizing she had forgotten Chakotay, she pressed the drawers shut and briskly exited, before Chakotay’s standing yellow alert elevated to a Red Alert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Playing off in the distance of her thoughts was Chakotay’s song. The sounds of a wood flute and a large skin drum carried through the trees with a comforting familiarity she has come to know over their weeks together.  She had left him where he was beside the crackle and warmth of the fire. He mentioned he wanted to meditate beside the campfire before turning in. She wanted to soak in the river.

Undoubtedly, he was in a deep trance holding his river stone in hand while conversing with his father for guidance or consulting his spirit guide. 

The present rhythm of the drum represented the pulse of Kathryn’s beating soul. Slow and echoing off the chamber where it was housed within. Wearing only her cream robe, Janeway slowly glided along the recently trampled foot path towards the river. She walked delicately and with fluidity while lost in thought.  The sound of the distant wooden flute, generated in her mind seemed to carry her. She longed to submerse herself into the enchanting waters of this world before returning to life of routine sonic showers.

As luxurious as the Captain’s tub once seemed it didn’t provide the delicious aromatic and weightlessness of the bathtub Chakotay built, nor did it have the breath taking Earth-like views.

The blue moonlight flecked on the water’s surface.  She crouched down to feel the water in her hand. Dragging it lazily, she flicked her hand and then began to divest herself to reveal Kathryn for perhaps the last time on their fated journey.

Kathryn’s auburn hair was loosely tied upon the crown of her head. It had the appearance of a disheveled mess, yet had a trace of elegance with feathery tendrils of hair framing her face.

Her eyes were closed purposefully. She tried to imagine that the tempo in the accompaniment of the beautiful melody she was enjoying from afar was now the beating of Chakotay’s calm and grounded heart. The mesmerizing audio provoked her inner dancer.  She extended her arm gracefully in the air and crossed her ankles to slowly rotate herself around before returning to standing position. She only had taken a few lessons and danced the dying swan, but somehow she let go of her reserve and quietly rehearsed and old memory. 

Her eyes snapped open at the resonance of her new planetary companion. It was a primate life form. He periodically appeared and allowed a distant connection at best. She knelt down and offered and her hand yet again but he refused it and climbed to branch not too far away. She was certain she would miss that clever and ever watchful primate.

She dropped her robe and lowered herself into the cool and comfortable water. Her skin instantly goose-fleshed and yet was so welcoming. Once Kathryn adjusted to the temperature, she waded about slowly with unconscious seduction.  Flexing her calves as she tip toed across, she pushed her way through the chest-deep waters.  As the beat of her soul beckoned, she moved her arms in a sultry manner while treading the water.  The earthy odor of the river wasn’t as enticing as the bath salts in her carved tub but it was liberating all the same.

Kathryn stood still for a moment and began to collect water in her hands. She elevated her arms above, pouring water upon her face. 

Her body felt indolent as if she had trudged in mud. Her soul however, was roused by the wine and good conversation which broke bread between them earlier at the camp. Neither was distracted by their domestic obligations, hobbies, or research.

After running her slender hands along her arms and she submerged herself to her neck and began to tread the waters. Hypnotically, she side winded before rolling onto her back and doing a lap of slow backstrokes.  She was probably at her most vulnerable while she was mentally wrestling with her inner dilemma.

_“Doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter.”_ The sentiment had her eyes saturated with tears again. She was so thankful for her good fortune that his intelligence file hadn’t done him justice. He far exceeded her expectations.

She initially chose him to serve as acting commander because of his previous command at Star Fleet and her natural diplomatic instinct was to bridge the gap between Maquis and Starfleet.

 Prior to New Earth, Janeway and Chakotay’s unofficial matters were brief.  She reminisced about those moments when he’d walk briskly to catch her in the corridor and every time her heart would flutter in anticipation. In retrospect of his earlier metaphor about The Angry Warrior, she realized he had been casually increasing closeness by way of support, encouragement and wisdom. Small talk on New Earth didn’t share the same breathless anticipation like it did in the corridors on _Voyager_. Instead it was awkward and served as a device to avoid intimacy or become distressed about being left behind.

Eventually, there was an increase of deep discussions of philosophy and exchange of family stories. She even attempted a degree of playfulness. A side of her she wasn’t ready to demonstrate to her crew.  A hip check here, false right hook there. They brought to mind their parallel of not being comfortable on a planet as they both were when it came to exploring space. But both could agree that their new way of life here on New Earth made domesticating a bit more palatable. 

Quietly, without a stir, they sat with only the camp fire crackle to break the silence. They both were thinking the same thing-which it would all reset tomorrow.

    After her flashback had concluded, she began to mull over the future.

Kathryn understood they were looking at a possible generational ship. Pairing off was inevitable and smart. _But not her._ Not the Captain who stranded them in the Delta Quadrant. It was a call she made for everyone and felt she owed it to stay focused.

When she fell in love, she fell hard. How could she run a star ship and make tough calls when she needed the neutral resolve of a Captain? It’s never easy to order a subordinate to their sacrifice or when a routine trip turns tragic.  Especially, if that subordinate was a dear and close friend. Her heart felt the sting of the loss of two men in her life and it fragmented a part of her. It would be years before the pieces fused together again but she was never the same.  She kept her heart under tight security unconsciously when not intentionally. A touch here, a pat there was her soul contradicting her training to be distant.  It was all she could muster not to betray those adherences to protocol and her choice to devote to her quest for the Alpha Quadrant with most if not all her crew in one piece.

Chakotay didn’t give her the visceral reaction when she thought she was in love for the first time with her first fiancé Justin.  Chakotay’s presence was curiously soul-shaking. Was this love or was this simply attraction because Chakotay knew how to spin a sentence with such grounded equanimity? Her thoughts dared to explore one other possible option. _Was it just a need of release_?  She shivered that idea out of her.

She took a deep breath and focused her thoughts on how comfortable she became allowing the river to cradle her. The water flooding her ears had removed her sense of surrounding. She could only hear the sound of her rising and falling breath and the beat of her heart. She was safe within the womb of New Earth if only for awhile anyway.

The primate began to squawk and it awoke her out of her river slumber. With haste she pulled herself to a stance and crossed her arms to conceal her bosom.  She attempts to look about with suspicion as if she were leading a security team.  She had a feeling it was someone familiar and turned to look over her shoulder and her suspicion dropped as she caught sight of Chakotay standing on the embankment. Absent were his boots and his legs were suited in brown linen pants and his chest covered with a soft cotton tunic.

She should have known the type of alert her monkey friend made was just a notification to the presence of her first officer.  Her Captain’s training made her instinctively prepare for anything. Chakotay felt embarrassed for them both. His timing had the false impression of lechery. He held out a hand of peace. “I meant no intrusion, Kathryn.”  He said diplomatically, “Call it duty of the first officer to keep tabs on the Captain.”

She tolerated is over protectiveness most of the time. Recently, however, any chance to hear his voice and feel the velvetiness of his tone had her forgetting she was in a desperate situation. Standing numb in place, they were both at an impasse.  Their minds screamed to look away they wanted to take each other in. He decidedly leapt in the water not caring if he got soaked. He kept his arm extended and his palm outward in hopes to reach her. Refusing to remove her arm she turned away from him. With a sigh, her eyes closed and she bit her lip then proceeded to tread against the tall water to make it to shore.  
“Kathryn.”

He grabbed her elbow and she turned her head towards him and water trickled from her soaked hair down her cheeks like tears. The way the wisps of her hair clung to her cheek bones invited him to caress them out of the way. Her lashes had tiny droplets that looked like crystals in the moonlight. Her eyes at night were like the depths of the Gulf of Mexico and her plain, bare lips tempted him. The sight of her this way left him breathless.

He was calm and poised as she saw him when dealing with a shaken alien. Chakotay pulled her close to his warmth and he ever so quietly took her available hand and held it. They let their souls do the talking as they entwined their fingers the way they had back in the shelter. Neither said a single word.

He twirled her around as if initiating a dance but instead there was a pause. She finally let go of her hold to keep her privacy in favor of gently caressing his facial tattoo with the back of her slender fingers. She then turned her hand and traced his jaw line as if studying it for the first time. He took her hand and kissed the back of it brief and tenderly. 

What they felt was mutual and it was irrevocable.

Her darling ally gingerly elevated her up into the air with a dimpled smile.  Chakotay never took his eyes off hers. He then ever so softly lowered Kathryn back into the water.  She boldly slid her arms around him, muddying their parameter. He cautiously flexed her neck to the side and butterfly kissed.  She was savoring each brief touch in her memory.  They both felt the spine-tingling surge of electricity between them.  Kathryn lifted her chin and arched her back to let him access her breast bone where he honored her unspoken command to trace it with kisses. To resume self-control, Chakotay distanced Kathryn from his waist. With a sigh, they touched foreheads to make one last connection knowing they took it too far. How would they face one another on duty tomorrow? 

    What had become clear is the man she agreed to marry was becoming a distant memory. The truth made her shutter back to reality.  Janeway sensed he was about to make one final move to steal a kiss and armed herself with a hand. She glided her long fingers over his mouth to block the attempt and slid them downward and rested them on the cleft of his chin while she shook her head in rejection. Her brows drew closer expressing sorrow and her eyes stung with rising emotion.

In an attempt to maintain composure, her eyes conveyed, “This has to end.”

 He decidedly stepped back; if she insisted on retreating, he wouldn’t stand in her way.  He valued Janeway. He didn’t want to threaten all that had become before.   Returning to awareness, her arms protected her chest once more and without a word she regretfully turned away to wade through waters in the direction of her robe.

    The only sound Chakotay made was the sound of his breath as he released it. He turned away once she was out of the water and heard her pad off towards their shelter. He observed the black and white primate climb down his tree to follow her.

He felt the pang of regret as he returned to their camp to stir the embers knowing she wouldn’t be back. The meditative act of stirring the charred wood, released the sting and his heart. Its adapted domesticated rhythm was restoring itself to a warrior’s drum. Steady and ready to call himself to battle by Janeway’s side again.

Kathryn toweled off, ponytailed her hair and quickly dressed herself in the lengthy neck concealing “Access denied” bed wear. She turned her covers down and climbed in. Her heart wasn’t racing but it thudded with heaviness. Her skin had a lingering tingle that drove her mad. How badly she wanted to be touched. Not by Mark Johnson, her fiancé in the Alpha Quadrant, but by the Commander.  That last thought superseded her lust, “I’m sorry, Mark.” She whispered as she rolled to her side and attempted to rest before dawn.

Zero Seven -Hundred came all too soon. Last night was like a vivid dream. She ordered her usual from the replicator and suited up in her uniform.  She looked around while pinning her bun in place. Chakotay was nowhere to be seen.  Neither was her primate buddy. “Where are they?” she whispered to herself.

Janeway exited to go say ‘goodbye’ to her tomato garden. Chakotay rounded the corner and paused momentarily.

“Ready to go?” he said breaking the mournful silence. Her face was forlorn but she nodded in agreement. The screech of her primate companion made her day a little bit brighter, “At least I get to say ‘Good-bye’.”

She extended her hand, “Feel free to use the house,” she stated before walking to the transport site. The almost-lovers were beamed back to Voyager.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Janeway went over her reports in her ready room. Piles of Padds were scattered across her crescent shaped desk. Janeway quickly noted the bullet points of each report with a certain efficient expedience before moving onto the next.

Chakotay wanting an excuse to be near his Captain, made his way to the Ready Room to assist her. “Enter.”  She responded to the door chime. “Captain,” he said before clearing his throat. “If you keep doing all my work for me what is there to do around here? Certainly not scrub conduits I hope.”  He flashed his mischievous smile.  Without lifting her gaze she replied in her dry commanding tone, “I prefer to know what’s going on after such an extended absence.” “That’s understandable.  Allow me to be honest, I’m feeling a little restless since returning to Voyager. I would like to remain preoccupied.”

“I believe I left you with a list of duties, Commander. That should preoccupy any boredom.”

Just as his eyes met the carpet, she paused from her Padd and shut off her terminal. “Chakotay,” She began softly as she laced her fingers together, “When our shifts end- my quarters at 20:30. Bring your appetite.” Followed was her commanding, “Dismissed.”

Chakotay’s brows elevated with surprise. “Aye, Captain.”

She waited until the doors slid shut behind him before reactivating her terminal and a smile peeked out as she lifted the coffee cup to her lips.

Chakotay sat comfortably in his seat and opened the center terminal between the two command seats to make it appear he was occupied while he mused.  She had ignored him from the moment they returned to Voyager as he did her. It was enthralling to reflect how moments ago there were no uniforms between them.  He could recall her bare skin beneath his lips just hours before.  Now that neck was concealed with a Star Fleet issue turtle neck.

“Commander,” interrupted Paris. “We’re about to enter the Barlo Sector.”

“Noted. Continue on Course.”

“Aye, Sir.”

Chakotay glanced towards the direction of the familiar hiss of the Ready Room doors as they parted.  He glimpsed the Captain hurriedly heading in the direction of the Turbo lifts, but not before pausing ever so briefly to acknowledge her Security officer and friend Lt. Tuvok with the pat of her hand.

With a deep exhale he resumed his work. Not too long after, Chakotay noted his duty shift was over. He eagerly left the bridge in Tuvok’s capable hands. “Deck 3,” He commanded the turbo lift computer. “Belay that, Deck 4.”

He rehearsed while walking down the corridor of deck three to Captain Janeway’s quarters. The First Officer stood tall and hit the chime button on the Captain’s key pad.   _Just what did she have in mind?_  
Janeway heard the chime. Not pausing from her task, she momentarily lifted her chin to call out, “Come.” She had just finished lighting a slender, white candle at the table.  The place settings were simple with transparent contemporary dishes; colorful only by the vegetarian meal that had been carefully arranged.

Harp music was discreetly playing in the background to set an inviting, relaxing tone to the low lit space.

Chakotay was relieved that he didn’t show up casual. He noted she was still relatively in uniform with the exception of the jacket. Taking her lead he decided to remove his as well and placed it on the back of the dining chair.

He handed her a bottle of Antarian cider and sat down. “You cooked this?” he brazenly asked in disbelief.

“Actually,” She sheepishly spoke as she poured their flutes full and then had a seat across from him, “I asked Neelix to help me out.”

“I think I’d rather have the Captain’s Special: Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches.”

“You’re incorrigible. He worked really hard to follow your recipe as best he could with the organic vegetables from the airponics bay. He wanted to help you have the taste of home. ”

Chakotay licked his lips and grabbed a fork. “I’m famished.” As paused before twirling his food with his fork, “I must admit this felt like the longest duty shift in awhile.” She attempted to clear any hint she was about to make a wry expression. He only had to wait thirty minutes from the moment she suggested dinner to when their shifts ended.

 “And it’s not exactly over.” Beside her sat two reports. She reached across to hand one over, “I thought we could do some light reading.”  
The Commander shot a bemused look then broke into a pearly smile as he casually accepted it.  
“Changing the way you are doing things?” he asked playfully as the PADD chirped to each touch command.  


“What?”

“Asking Neelix to cook and recruiting me to go over reports when you wanted to leave them in _your_ hands?”

“Honestly, I’m trying to keep this casual, Chakotay. I didn’t want to mislead you.”

_There she goes again_ , referring to him not as ‘Commander’ but as Chakotay with increasing measure.  In spite of her earlier Bridge behavior where she wouldn’t even look him in the eye as she ticked off agendas, it seemed as though Kathryn wasn’t entirely denying their connection on New Earth, just drawing a line in the sand.

“That’s why we are still in uniform.” He said putting the pieces together.

There hadn’t been enough time following their shifts to have a descent shower, change, and rehearse a script in his head about how he’d try to direct his role of the evening. “Exactly.” She pushed away from the table to give herself more space. “I don’t see why we can’t be friendly. We can either continue to deny what we’ve been through or acknowledge we are lonely out here and companionship was inevitable.” 

“How are we defining, _companionship_?” he asked as he touched his lips to his glass.

“The way we command together on the bridge,” she gestured her hand, “the way we delegate in my Ready room, and when duty is over we have light conversation to help us remember we are human with feelings and identities undefined by our ranks.”

“It sounds like you really gave this extensive thought.”

She momentarily chewed her lip before she spoke again then set her elbows on the table resting her chin onto her laced fingers as she stared him directly in the eyes, “But you know a sexual and marital relationship is out of the question.”  She paused,

“If it turned unfavorably, we could lose our resolve.  I could use a friend. A close friend I can count on.”  Her eyes once serious began to shift to an expression of concern and sensitivity, her voice became almost a whisper, “and we could lose our heads out here, Chakotay. If it gets tough and if we lose resource--if we lose our crew-”  
Admitting that out loud hollowed her out as she shifted focus to reiterate her position, “I need a first officer and a friend.  Not a lover. I hope you understand.”

“More than you know.” A flash of his ex-girlfriend Seska came to mind with the complications that came about from the reveal of her traitorous and selfish nature.    “Will this be a regular occasion?” he pointed out the dinner setting.  


 “I thought we might give a try. See how this pans out-- in a social context of course.” She wiped her mouth and set her napkin down.

“You know, I’m not really hungry. Care to join me in the seating area?”

“Funny, I’m not so hungry now, myself.” 

Leaving their dishes behind, they scooted away from the table, returned their jackets to their shoulders, though unzipped comfortably. As he cornered the table, Janeway casually placed a guiding hand behind him as they walked to the sofa. Once seated, Kathryn crossed her legs and rested her elbow on the sofa with her head on her hand as she gazed out at the stars.

Chakotay was making every attempt not to imagine her hair free of its confinement with wavy locks framing her oval-shaped face. He snapped to when she turned to acknowledge him. She leaned forward and picked up her glass. With bright eyes of optimism she spoke, “To our new friendship. May we always be able to count on each other and recover from any discrepancy that may come between us."

His eyes twinkled as he listened. “And who knows…” she added with a coy expression, “Maybe one day we won’t have to consider protocol because we’ll be reassigned in the Alpha Quadrant.”  


_Assigned to prison_ …. He thought.

He had every reason why he wanted to keep Kathryn on that planet. He wasn’t so sure if their service to _Voyager_ would be enough. Even he wasn’t as won over that he could return to a life in Star Fleet.

For the moment he was only committed to his Captain and not to the Federation to help her see through this. The Maquis reluctantly aid the Federation crew but don’t share Commander Chakotay’s sentimentality.

 He wondered if his adherence to protocol and to Janeway would pardon him at the board of inquiry or still land him in a detention center regardless of any sincere efforts that may happen in the years to come.

Chakotay exhaled and placed his Padd down on her table before resting his hands on his lap and smoothing out the crease in his pant leg, “We’ve demonstrated we make quite a team. I may decide I _have_ to be assigned to your vessel. Your first love is the scientific mysteries of the galaxy and mine is uncovering cultures. We are explorers after all,” he said convincingly while beaming his beautiful smile. The certainties in his voice in favor of loyalty forced her to swallow and bat her eyes to clear her tears. They both leaned inward over the coffee table and clicked their glasses together.

  “To Voyager and her captain: May they carry us safely home where ever that may be,” he declared.   

  “The Alpha Quadrant I hope,” she stated wishfully.

“With your determination I imagine that will be so.”

FIN

  



End file.
